I offended her. I didn't mean it but I still did. I was disappointed coz I'm thinking at the moment that it's ok with her if she can't make it to our anniversary date. I hate that. I told her things that I shouldn't have though they are facts. How can she be ok with it if her mom won't let her. She'll just accept it? Damn. I could turn my back to anyone against us but why couldn't she? Now she's upset and I feel sorry.

One month to go

Its already April, next month would be my birthday. But hell I don't give a damn about that. May 26 is the day that me and her would be a year together. I don't know how to tell him that im the happiest guy on earth. She won't believe me anyways.

Five Miles Away in Front of You

I'm thinking of you tonight.. I had this thought that maybe as much as I'm trying to reach for you, you've already reached that place where I couldn't follow. 

I made a mistake. Protecting you was my priority, more like a promise i made to myself. I could never hurt you. I will preserve you from people who would cause you unreasonable pain. Even to the point that would make you hate me. Was I selfish? Was I just afraid of your fainting  voice that kills me every time you cry on the phone apologizing?. Because every time, i can only hold the receiver so tight against my ear it's like i can feel your pain piercing through. I wanted to help. But it ended up that people you care the most got mad at you. And you to yourself. I'm sorry. In the end I can't do anything.

This night feels lonely the most. I realized that everything I'm doing is a complete insanity. I'm holding onto you.. The fact that you rejected hope for us so many times now made me realize that you already stopped believing. You have given up on me. Why am I too dumb to realize that?

"I love you". These are the words I repetitively tell myself every time you broke my heart. It's funny how you are so capable of giving me extreme emotions that you are not even aware of. It hurts so bad tonight. So bad it wears my eyes. They say you cry for those people you find so dear to you. Funny i used to wonder how hard it was.

So maybe they were mad at you. Those people that you choose over me no matter how much you say love me. But i'm not like them. I accept every inch of you. I guess you don't see that though. I believe in everything you say. I can only support you in what you do. I never see you any less than how i used to. So you think that you're making things hard. Do you just want to go with the flow from now on? Are you so tired to fight back you're just going to take it all in? I want to know what you're thinking. But I'm so afraid it would hurt me enough to take me down on my knees.. and i don't want you to see me that way, not that you are five miles away.